but i am actually at a loss for words right now. i lost my mom today at 740am after a long battle with bone cancer after being in remission from breast cancer. one of the strongest women i know and i love her more than anything. lots of family and friends will be here in the next few days to celebrate her wonderful life. she was like a 2nd mom to some of my friends including my best friend. she thought of her as a 3rd daughter and when i had to text my best friend this morning with the horrible news, it broke her heart literally. my dog has been sitting with me on the couch a majority of the day and he knows shes not here anymore. 

I am sitting on my deck as i write this and its raining but i have the umbrella from the patio set up so i am not getting rained on. today has been the hardest day i have ever had to deal with. i know the angels are sending down their tears or as my dad would say they are pissing on us. i miss my mom more and more each second as time goes by. going through remainders of her things and pictures are what makes it heard. I keep thinking this is a bad dream and that i will wake up from it but i know its not. i could write a book on how my mother touched my life and inspired me so much. i just want to nap but am scared to sleep because i dont want to wake up and realize this is reality and that shes actually gone. life just isnt fair. i am ending this post right now simply because i am at a loss for words, i have a headache, and i just dont know what to do or think anymore.